Music soothes my soul. It the one thing that can determine my mood and change my mood. I love it all. I try to listen all day, everyday to something or other. And if not I be-bop around singing to the music in my head. It’s not just the music aspect of it that I love, it’s the lyrics. I will listen to a song over and over until I know every word and feel confident singing at the top of my lungs. And I get into it. I’m not just singing Alanis Morissette’s “All I Really Want,” I AM Alanis Morisette. (love the lyrics in that song by the way).
So because I love music so much, you can imagine how devastated I am to have had my ipod stolen…..for the second time!
My car was unlocked for a total of 30 minutes. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE! At 9 am on a Sunday morning! While I was packing our stuff to go to the beach!
When we finally got loaded into the car my center console and dash were torn apart. Parking tickets, baby wipes, bug spray and at least 5 “extra” pairs of sunglasses were strewn all over my front seats. IPOD GONE. Charger GONE. Wine key GONE. Which, incidentally, I am just as upset about; a good wine key is hard to find. What, my pile of thirty Dunkin Donuts napkins wasn’t good enough for you? My febreeze air freshener? My kids toys and all of my camping equipment were still there, thankfully. But my ipod? Complete devastation.
Not only was I upset, but now my kiddo was too.
“Who took it Momma?”
“I don’t know buddy.”
“That’s not very nice of them. You’re not supposed to take other people’s things”
(No shit) “I know, it wasn’t very nice.”
“Are you sad?”
“Yes, buddy, very sad and upset.”
“Lets go look for it.” As he starts turning over his stuffed animals in the back seat and looking under the car.
“I don’t think we’ll find it here. It’s not coming back. It’s gone.”
“Lets go see if the neighbors saw anything Momma.”
(Good Idea!) “Good idea dude!”
Well….you get the idea. No one saw anything. Conversations like this have been going on for almost a week now and bless his little heart, he believes some magic ipod finding fairy is going to put it back right where it belongs. Every time we get in the car he asks “Did you find your ipod Momma?”
No.
It’s NEVER coming back.
And every time we get in the car I am struck with an infuriating rage.
So my options are: Go buy a new ipod (again), $150 bucks I don’t have or go buy an iphone, $300 bucks I also don’t have but I will come up with!
Of course….stupid ATT ignorant, unsympathetic bastards won’t let me. After I spent a good day and a half convincing myself that it was the right thing to do. I would never leave my phone in my car (to get stolen), it would be with me at all times. My digital camera is being held together by duck-tape and the iphone takes better pictures then my camera anyway. Plus I could have the world at my fingertips.
But no.
Damn you car-door-opening-ipod-stealing-theives!
Damn you ATT!
So for now I’m stuck listening to the radio and the Wiggles CD. Too bad the criminals didn’t have a need for highly annoying children’s music.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
After a while
If I had started blogging again about a month ago you would be reading warm and fuzzy musings. A month ago I was fantastic! I was completely high on life, at the top of my game….stupidly happy. And oblivious. Several different things contributed to said happiness; my kiddo was well behaved/mannered; lots of yoga; the first sun shiny days of summer; the best friend a girl could ask for and yes, there was a boy. I will spare you the details of my shenanigans; however, what I will say is this: Relationships are hard. They take work. Period. I feel that my particular situation is very limiting in terms of my dating pool…ie: single mom who works two jobs yada yada yada. So naturally I end up, we’ll say “involved” with someone I worked with. I made myself vulnerable. I let someone in. I trusted. And he led me around believing in the possibility of a future. And then he let me down.
Which brings me to one of the points I was trying to make. There are two ways I feel when I think of certain people. I either smile or I want to break things. Sometimes I feel both and it’s conflicting and uncomfortable. When I think of BD (Baby daddy, for lack of a better word), I want to break things, but then I smile because he is such a great person and I’m lucky to have him as my kiddo’s father, knowing full well that I most likely will always feel these things simultaneously about him. When I think of the Boy, I smile (great memories) and then I want to break things because he led me to believe he was a great person and then took advantage of me and my heart. Eventually he’ll fall into just the “break things” category, but for now I’m suffering through indifference.
The other point I was trying to get across was in regards to happiness. It’s elusive. It ebbs and flows. I was riding a very high wave and then crashed into shore and am now floating around aimlessly, treading water and trying to catch that next wave. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, in fact, many of those things that contributed to my happiness a month ago are still very much present. I have spent a lot of time the last few weeks getting back to myself.
I AM grateful. Sometimes I just need a swift kick in the butt to remember that. I also really enjoy this poem by Veronica Shoffstall. I have it tacked up to my inspiration board (side note: If you don’t have one of these, create one!) and read it almost daily.
After A While
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.
Which brings me to one of the points I was trying to make. There are two ways I feel when I think of certain people. I either smile or I want to break things. Sometimes I feel both and it’s conflicting and uncomfortable. When I think of BD (Baby daddy, for lack of a better word), I want to break things, but then I smile because he is such a great person and I’m lucky to have him as my kiddo’s father, knowing full well that I most likely will always feel these things simultaneously about him. When I think of the Boy, I smile (great memories) and then I want to break things because he led me to believe he was a great person and then took advantage of me and my heart. Eventually he’ll fall into just the “break things” category, but for now I’m suffering through indifference.
The other point I was trying to get across was in regards to happiness. It’s elusive. It ebbs and flows. I was riding a very high wave and then crashed into shore and am now floating around aimlessly, treading water and trying to catch that next wave. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, in fact, many of those things that contributed to my happiness a month ago are still very much present. I have spent a lot of time the last few weeks getting back to myself.
I AM grateful. Sometimes I just need a swift kick in the butt to remember that. I also really enjoy this poem by Veronica Shoffstall. I have it tacked up to my inspiration board (side note: If you don’t have one of these, create one!) and read it almost daily.
After A While
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Oh, Hello!
Yikes. It has been far too long since I've updated cyberspace with my rantings and ramblings. Have no fear, I'm back. Ish. I know, deep down inside, that doing this whole blogging thing really truly is wonderful, but I'm having a difficult time fitting it in to my already very busy life. So from here on out I am going to make sure I put "WRITE" at the top of my to-do list.
A brief update:
Summer is in full swing around here except for one, little teeny tiny thing, I'm working, FULL TIME! Which means I am a slave to my cube-life 9 to 5 (or 7:30 to 3:30 if I get up and out of the house in the morning, which usually doesn't happen). But, BONUS, I have a whopping 14 days of paid time off I get to use, all of which I plan on using this summer and regretting later. Hence the 10 day hiatus I was just on, 5 days of which I had to use said PTO. Now I'm back and have not completely been able to assimilate back to real life. Most importantly though, a weekend of camping and music (at the Nateva Festival), not having to set an alarm, spending a day at the farmers market and beaching it with the boy have made me realize something has got to give. SOON.
The times they are a changin'.
A brief update:
Summer is in full swing around here except for one, little teeny tiny thing, I'm working, FULL TIME! Which means I am a slave to my cube-life 9 to 5 (or 7:30 to 3:30 if I get up and out of the house in the morning, which usually doesn't happen). But, BONUS, I have a whopping 14 days of paid time off I get to use, all of which I plan on using this summer and regretting later. Hence the 10 day hiatus I was just on, 5 days of which I had to use said PTO. Now I'm back and have not completely been able to assimilate back to real life. Most importantly though, a weekend of camping and music (at the Nateva Festival), not having to set an alarm, spending a day at the farmers market and beaching it with the boy have made me realize something has got to give. SOON.
The times they are a changin'.
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